Fall Festivities

We've officially entered the holiday season and I must say I absolutely love this time of year--a time that is defined by friends and family, hearty laughs and endless good food.  As most things seem to these days, the holidays have once again taken on a new meaning in the light of adoption.  Although we have always appreciated the holidays for their ability to create lasting memories, we now find ourselves wondering what types of memories we will help to create for our own family.

Thanksgiving and Christmas are definitely favorite holidays, but I was surprised this year by how much I enjoyed seeing the festivities of Halloween.  I know, I know, the day before Thanksgiving is a little late to be talking about Halloween, but to us it was the start to a holiday season that has us excited for the years that lie ahead.

Fall has always been our favorite time of year.  It seems to have that unmatched essence to it--the chill that fills the air, the delicious in-season foods, the colors.  We celebrate fall outdoors and indoors as we venture out for walks, and brighten our house with the fall decor that evokes that cozy feel and helps to make the place we will hunker down for a matter of months inviting and warm.

Though the kick-off to our holiday season is usually today, the day before Thanksgiving, this year we are still feeling as though it were Halloween.  Because this year more than any other, it was apparent how fun Halloween will prove to be as a family.  For starters, you get the joy of watching your child exercise their imagination as they prepare for the greatest dress-up day of the year.  Then, you watch their anticipation as the day draws nearer and nearer.  And then you watch their joy.  As a parent, of course you look to find safe ways and places for your child to exercise this excitement and I'm happy to say, such opportunities are all around us.  Suzy's school, for example, hosts an annual Haunted Tales, a night where families come and listen to teachers read children's books and poems with a Halloween theme.  The stories are more silly than haunted, and all the kids come tromping through the doors decked out with the widest grins in their full costumes.  Peels of laughter and wide eyes follow as the teachers get up to perform enthusiastically dramatic readings of the stories.  Looking around makes you realize how lucky we are to be part of this incredible community and makes us both anxious for the day our child can experience it's support and joy.

Yet it isn't only this story time we're now looking forward to, or the carving of our own pumpkins, or the gathering of our own Halloween loot - it is now our neighborhood party.  Coming home on Halloween evening proved to be a bit of a challenge.  Upon returning home and pulling onto our street, the sidewalks were crawling with kids and families out to enjoy the evening's festivities.  We both had to circle a four block radius of our house to find parking, but once we neared our own home, the reason became clear--a massive Halloween celebration steps away from our own back door.  By talking to neighbors who were camped out in their front yard roasting marshmallows and serving cider for the night, we finally got the full story behind the party.  The celebration began with a group of mothers who wanted to ensure there would always be a safe place for their children to enjoy Halloween.  And so they met, over coffee, planning a massive block party.  They called the city to have them block off the streets, they called each neighbor to encourage participation and in the end what they crafted was a four-night celebration--a pumpkin carving party, a night of open houses hosted by those on the block, the ultimate Halloween block party with street performers and games and elaborate house decorations, and finally, a relaxing night for the adults who put this all together.
Experiencing this as we walked home from our parked cars was exhilarating this time around, and hearing all the running kids screaming that "This is the best Halloween ever!" had us anxious for the day we can watch our own child experience that magic.

As we move into the true holiday season, we find ourselves thinking what else we might watch our child do--help make the pie dough, decorate cookies, play their first Thanksgiving football game, set their shoes out on St. Nick's day, hang ornaments on the tree, and of course, sneak more treats than they should!  We look to the memories we will make as a family, but we now find ourselves looking to the memories that will be provided by our incredible community.  Our home, school, neighborhood, and family have already proven to be incredibly supportive to us, but it is becoming more and more apparent how lucky we will be to raise a child surrounded by such support and joy.

The holidays, defined by anticipation, excitement, love, and joy will continue to be our favorite time of year.  But that day where we can share them with a little one, making memories as a family, that will make them even more significant.  

Everybody Loves Me!

Our last post was all about the wonders of fall and the promise of a new year, but now I am taking a minute to reminisce about the wonders of summer.  Of course, as an educator, my summers are generally very relaxed.  This summer was no different, but it seems to hold a special place in my heart.  After a relatively rough year of infertility, we were able to fully relax, be renewed by the promise of adoption, and spend quality time with family and friends without the distractions that had plagued us over the last year. 

Some of the most memorable time this summer was the time I spent with a good friend--a friend I've known since college, with whom I have traveled the world and shared tubs of ice cream, tears, and endless laughs.  This summer, I shared a special time with her as she welcomed her brand new baby boy into her family.  As a rule, Erik and I both try to give our time, energy, and a helping hand to others whenever we can and this summer, I could.  Quite a unique situation, my friend and her family found themselves in the surprising, but incredible position of welcoming a new baby through adoption.  In a matter of weeks, they went from a family of three to a family of four, with two boys 17 months apart!  So I was there--spending quality time with the oldest boy as he adjusted to his new sibling, helping to push the double stroller through the park, watching the boys while mom took a minute to shower.  This time was invaluable time with a good friend, but also time that reinforced the beauty of adoption over and over again.

On one trip to stock up for her brand new baby, I saw something I couldn't resist - this cute onesie!  Why?

Because of the message.  The message that wisely included EVERYBODY.  The rest of the aisles were lined with bibs and blankets proclaiming "Mommy Loves Me" or "Daddy's Little Monster," but this onesie, complete with adorable giraffes, sensibly stated "EVERYBODY LOVES ME."  My friend and I talked about how we loved the message and later, once I revealed my new purchase to hubs, we reflected on what this will mean to our future family.

It was one little onesie, but in a few words, it summed up one of the most important lessons we wish to teach our future child.  Indeed, it represented the primary message we want to share with the child and birth family alike.  For the child that joins our family, it is important to us that they know the love of everyone that surrounds them--parents, friends, family, and birth family.  We will always recognize that it was love that brought them into the world, love that brought them into our family, and love that will sustain them and our family.  

Erik and I look forward to building a positive and constructive open adoption.  While we know that the type of open adoption we have will be borne of a mutual agreement between birth parents and adoptive parents, we also know that no matter what that ends up looking like we will always teach our child the incredible love of all involved.  That love is all-encompassing and never ending and as such, should always be communicated and celebrated.  It is this very message, that "EVERYBODY LOVES ME"  that we hope to help our child fully understand, appreciate, and carry in their heart for a lifetime.

As we look forward to our future meeting with a birth parent, birth parents, or an entire birth family there will always be apprehension, we assume for both parties.  But in the end, we know that the family we are paired with will share our dream of helping that very special little one feel all the love that surrounds them.  Indeed, our family will be defined, more that anything else, by love.  Here's hoping we find those somebodies to share our lives with!

Much Success--Our Promise of Education

This is what is known as the best time of the year, at least in my world.  Summer is winding down and fall is arriving.  But there are still long days to enjoy, to truly savor, as we realize these sun-drenched days won't be around much longer.  It is the time when you scramble to do all your favorite outdoor activities before the cold blows in, to venture to all those places you hadn't quite gotten to yet.  And for me, every year at this point, it is a time of promise and excitement.

As a teacher, this is the first week of school and the beginning of my year.  It is hectic, it is tiring, but it is magical.  As I savor these last warm days, I also welcome a brand new batch of students.  I get my classroom ready, I walk through each lesson meticulously, I attend many meetings to sharpen my skills, and I become inspired for the year ahead.

Yet this year, as I prepare, things are a bit different.  Not only am I now able to work across the K-12 spectrum and support students of various ages with various needs to maximize their success; I am also able to think beyond the school building.  Yes, I am becoming inspired by the promise and excitement for my future class, but at the same time, I am becoming inspired by the promise and excitement of our own family's future.  The leap may seem odd, so let me explain...

The connection happened at a conference, of all places.  When the presenter was delivering his closing remarks, he said something that made me think far beyond the classroom and far into the future.  Here, he shared what they tell their students as they graduate high school and prepare to leave for college.  "At our schools we don't say good luck," he said.  "You don't need luck if you're well prepared, so we say much success."  It was simple, it was straight-forward, but it left an incredible impact.  Immediately, my mind went to the children in my classroom, the children in my school.  I began running through the different ways we prepare our students for those academic and character tests they will encounter in and outside of school.  But all of a sudden, it seemed to strike a chord with me outside of the classroom, with the child who will become part of our family.

I began thinking of our future family--children we will nurture and support as infants, toddlers, adolescents, and adults.  And I began thinking of the implications of good luck and what it really means to truly prepare your children for the future.

Education is an enormous part of our lives.  Indeed, a promise of a good education is one of the most important things we feel we can give to the child that comes into our family.  Still, it is clear that it is not just education that prepares children for their future.  And so, I'm thinking of what it will really take to prepare our children for success.

When our child walks into Kindergarten, I want to watch knowing that we have prepared them for that moment--that we've walked them through their day, discussed what it means to be a respectful, responsible student, shared our belief that school is for learning and for fun.  And I want them to come running into our arms with stories of success.  I want to be sitting in the stands as they play in their first soccer game or their first concert, knowing that we have helped them plan for success,  for them to leave in the morning confident in all that lies ahead of them that day.  And as they grow, we want to be there helping them navigate those emotional years, there to help them tackle their challenges, to guide them in their studies, and to support them fully in their dreams.

Of course, there will be days when they may be timid or days where their confidence has left them and on those days, we'll be there just the same, preparing them for success as we build them up.  It is easy to say that you are ready for all the successes, but what is important is that you are just as ready for the challenges.  Likewise, it is easy to say that you are ready for a baby, but important to ask if you're ready   for an adolescent, a teenager, a college graduate.  And happily, I can say we are.  Our dreams for the future include preparing a child for success through all stages and being there for them every step of the way.

Yes, education is at the core of our family.  It always has been and always will be.  As future parents, it will be our greatest pleasure and accomplishment to educate and nurture a child--preparing them for much success, helping them up when they falter, and ensuring that their future is bright.  If we don't visualize success, we cannot make it a reality.  Fortunately, it is what we visualize and what we dream of--ensuring the child that comes into our lives and their entire family that they are well prepared, they have incredible support, and their future is bright.

No, we're not yet setting up a nursery, but yes, we are building a library for future little ones!

Summer Fun in Minnesota

Erik and I on vacation on a Minnesota lake with my brother and his family

Ahh....summer vacation!  Vacation always brings some of the sweetest moments of summer.  This year,  we were lucky enough to go to a lake cabin up north with my (Suzy's) brother and his family.  While my parents, my four siblings and myself are scattered across the country, we still find time to visit each other.  Those visits happen on holidays and on shared family vacations.  Since growing up, my siblings, parents and I have toured the Great Lakes many times over, visited Niagra Falls, Chesapeake Bay Area, Yellowstone, Washington D.C., the Outer Banks of North Carolina, the beaches of Florida and, of course, the many wonders of Minnesota and the Twin Cities.

Some of my favorite trips are those where my family comes through the Twin Cities and I get to share everything I love about these amazing cities.  So this year, that is just what we did.  Seeing our nieces and nephews is always exciting as well as I watch them grow and mature.  Here is our summer vacation...

                         


















We began our trip with a St. Paul day.  My favorite picture?  Reading with the Snoopy characters in Rice Park!  In all, we took in Grand Avenue, Harriet Island, Rice Park, the Excel Center, and Como Park's Conservatory and Zoo.  What a day!

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And then came the lake.  The drive itself was blissful--passing by Lake Mille Lacs and feeling the breeze off the lake.  A short drive down a dirt road in the woods and we were there and ready for mornings reading by the lake, days jumping off the dock and nights eating s'mores around the campfire.  Before we arrived, the kids even took in some horseback riding!

Time spent with our nieces and nephews is so nice. No matter how old they are, I am always amazed at how they have grown.  With a great spread of ages among me and my brothers and sister, my first nephew was born when I was still in grade school.  Still, with each new niece and nephew, I have been a huge part of their lives.  From babysitting to helping out when they came home from the hospital, to discussing ideas for future colleges and currently helping to plan a wedding, I am always thankful for our relationships.


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The trip ended with my favorite tour of Minneapolis.  We took in all of the must-sees: St. Anthony Main, a walk across the Stone Arch Bridge, Mill City Ruins, Downtown, Target Field Plaza, a walk around Loring Park and the Walker Sculpture Garden, Uptown, the Chain of Lakes and wading in the water downstream from Minnehaha Falls.  As any good vacation, we ended with ice cream cones in the park.  It was perfect!

Of course, no child's trip would be complete without a visit to the Mall of America's Lego Land and amusement park!

All in all, it was one packed trip!  Busy in the city as we strived to see all we could see and relaxing at the lake as we lounged in the water for days.  These are the types of trips we can't wait to give our own children.  Living in the cities, so many of these very places will fill our Saturdays while trips to lakes up north will undoubtedly fill our summers.  Family vacations of our dreams will include trips as an immediate family, but also trips enjoyed with extended family full of quality time and lasting memories.

What's up for next year?  Well, depending on our family situation at the time, we plan to explore Wisconsin's Apostle Islands with my little brother.  Can't wait to share the wonders of our city and our state all over again with him and his wife!

Remembering the Beginning...(by Suzy)

                                       

I suppose the beginning I'm referring to here is really not the beginning at all. Here, the beginning is our wedding. Our relationship began far before we ever walked down the aisle and every year brings it's own unique memories as we reflect on our time together.  But it is this week every year that we take time to remember our wedding and all of the good times that surrounded that magical day.  Yes, I did say week.  First of all, you should know that nearly all of our holidays are celebrated for a minimum of one week!  There is just too much fun to be had to cram festivities into a single day.  When we celebrate, we celebrate!  Our anniversary is generally celebrated for a week because we were married on the Fourth of July, primarily for the long weekend that made for easy travel and for the free fireworks show it would provide us at our reception.  These days, the Fourth of July is a friends and family affair with backyard barbeques, boat rides on the lake and sparklers, but we always make time to celebrate just the two of us as well.






Our wedding was undoubtedly light-hearted and filled with fun.  Erik and I decided to have our wedding on the shores of Lake Michigan--a Midwest destination wedding, if you will.  Luckily, the weather was perfect and everything went off without a hitch.

While building our website, I've been leafing through all of our pictures; memories from childhood, high school, college and our wedding come rushing in.  The unfortunate thing--we can't share everything!  At times, I wish I could just sprawl out on the floor and go through our photo boxes with those that are trying to get to know us.  We could laugh, talk and begin to make a real connection and maybe even find ourselves making that special connection. At this point, we can't, but someday we might.

Still, today I can't help but share more photos from our wedding than I know I will be able to include on our website!  Pictures of the setting with the gentle waves and the towering lighthouse, of my adorable nieces and nephews, and the pictures that simply capture the pure joy of that day and the smiles and laughs that were shared are all too precious not to share!







Of course, I also can't resist sharing these today because it just makes me smile looking at all of these images.  And it makes me smile to know whole-heartedly that the love we had during those years of falling in love, the love we had on that day is still with us today as strong as it once was, if not stronger.

 This year, celebrating our anniversary seems even more significant as we return to one of our favorite restaurants.  The restaurant, in fact, where we first discussed the idea of adoption.  By candlelight, we talked about what it would mean for our family, how it is already something close to our hearts with my (Suzy's) adopted sister.  Yes, candlelight always makes for unforgettable images, but I can honestly say that it is an image, a feeling and a moment that I will always carry in my heart.



                                                         

                                                          

  So here is our wedding in pictures.                                                           The smiles, the laughs, the joy that filled that day.  

                                                           

These images are filled with priceless memories.  Still, as we look at each picture, we remind ourselves that this was the beginning.

  

 



Yes, this was the beginning.  But there's another way to think of it--this was just the beginning.  Tonight while we dine by candlelight, we will undoubtedly be discussing all that is to come for our family.  It is an exciting and nerve-racking time not knowing exactly what the future holds.  It is a promising and even scary time for all involved, to be sure.  For this whole process brings such great hope, yet such great apprehension no matter which side you are on.
                                     

                                                                                     
                                                                                    Tonight we will be thinking of ourselves and what we will do as we wait for our family to begin to grow.  Yet, we will also be thinking about  everyone else involved in adoptions, hoping that all expectant parents and families are finding the help and support they need throughout this process.

Here's to a happy Fourth of July and a week of celebrations; to reflecting on your love, gaining strength together and sharing your laughter with the world; to candlelight dinners and the power of memories.  Here's to love, however it finds you.

         

                                         Bon Appétit!

      

Welcome!

Welcome to our blog and our first official blog post! Many of you reading this have seen our Facebook page and know a little about what we are doing here. Still, it seems it may need some explaining. Here we are, putting our whole story out there for anyone to read on the Internet. If it seems a little odd at first, that's alright; it felt odd to us as well when we first heard about the many avenues of adoption outreach. But when we decided to open up and share our story through outreach, Suzy's eyes immediately lit up. I think they lit up because she is very open about everything we've been through, as sharing with others is highly cathartic for her. They lit up because it was something she could create, and most of all, something she could control.

Dealing with infertility issues is extraordinarily taxing. At times, it feels like you have no control over your own body. As you learn that many things you may have taken for granted do not necessarily come as easily as expected, it is easy to feel like your life has been turned upside-down. It was very difficult for Suzy to go through all of these issues and realize that she wasn't really in full control of her own body. But as we arrived at our decision to pursue adoption, her body began to feel more at ease and the stress seemed to melt away. We were relieved to not have to devote our lives to treatments any longer and felt as though we could gain some sense of control.

Of course, in the long run, we have little control over the adoption process. But what we can do is share our story. It may seem that we are promoting ourselves, even advertising. Hopefully you don't feel that way, and our sharing is not making you uncomfortable. Obviously, that's not our intent; we are doing this to get our story out there. We are doing so because we hope that it will lead us to our future child. The truth is that the majority of adoptions through our agency actually happen in this very way, through personal networking connections made outside of the agency. Thus, we believe that pursuing outreach through Facebook, this blog, our future website, and beyond will help us connect with the birth mother of our future child.

It took us a long time to become comfortable with sharing our story online. We were even nervous about how our Facebook page would be received. Suzy is connected with many people on Facebook that we don't necessarily interact with on a regular basis, many of whom were unaware of our plans to adopt. What would they think? How would they react? Fortunately, we can say that the reaction has been incredible. We launched our Facebook site about a week ago, and in that time, 80 people have liked our site. We watched as friends near and far, new and old liked the site and sent their heart-felt support in thoughtful notes. It was so moving to hear people we haven't seen in years show their support. It was incredible. Thanks to insights provided by Facebook, we know that we have reached 1,371 people ("reached" being the number of individual people who have viewed some sort of content from our site). This has all happened because of the likes and comments that are shared by our those who have liked the page within each user's own network. We can hardly believe that we have reached that many in only one week. And how many could we reach with these 80 likes alone? 23,775. Yes, Facebook tells us that the total number of friends of all those who have liked our site is 23,775. Unbelievable.

So we're here to say thank you. Thank you for your support. Thank you for your understanding. And welcome to our adoption blog. Suzy is working tirelessly on our adoption website, which will give much more insight into our family. But this blog is here to chronicle our journey, to tell our story, to discuss open adoption and to share our dreams for our future family. We hope that you enjoy sharing this journey with us, and most of all, we hope that putting ourselves out there in this way will somehow help a young mother as they discover that they have the power of exploring their options.